weddings

So i just got engaged, me and my bf went to Canada and he proposed. I feel like no one wants me to have the wedding I want, my only supporter is my mom everyone else just wants to control my wedding. I know I have to wait awhile before I can have my wedding, but I still want to plan it. Everyone is either barking orders at me or shaking their heads at my decisions. I want my wedding to be purple and black colors because thats me, but mother-in-law wants me to have a traditional wedding and my sister just wants to create my wedding to her liking. I picked out a beautiful purple dress and my mom is the only one that likes it. The stress of trying to please everyone is getting to me and I really want to cry. How am I supposed to make myself happy and have my dream wedding if everyone is barking orders at me....

so tired

I am tired of being walked on, misused, and mistreated. I try to get along with my boyfriends mom but when she leaves me alone watching her kids without even telling me shes leaving it makes me feel like crap, and the fact that my boyfriend doesn't care how i feel hurts. I wish I could just disapear.. I wish I was gone.

dear "best friend"

The problems with best friends is you have to trust them. If anything happens to your friendship you have to trust your secrets won't be used against you. Like rape for instance. You have to be a cold hearted person to use rape as an insult. But I guess anyone who would be friends with a person like me must have some issues. How do you call someone, who was supposed to be your best friend, a "no good rape victim"? People are cruel. I don't think I need a best friend. I don't need a best friend to use my secrets against me as insults. Trust, its such a squirmy little bug, easily crushed and disgusting. Don't need it. I'll just stick to my writing...

finally

I am so happy the past drama of this week is finally over. My "friend" and her bf finally left. But not without stealing some money from my bf's mom and calling me a bunch of names. It was all just bad people being in my life and now they're gone. I am so happy to finally be free of them.

to much

Everything this past week has been to much on my body. The stress is making my stomach churn and my head pound. I wish I could just lay down and never wake up. I had the worst day today with my bipolar, every little thing bothered me, like my friend tickling MY boyfriend, my friend being here, my friend talking like a baby. Last night my friends morning sickness and my emetophobia acted against eachother, and that really killed me this morning. I was so emotionally drained. I am still so emotionally drained. I wish they would leave, or I could, I wish there was somewhere safe I could hide away from all this stress....

im trying

I try to do something nice, like taking the kids to a family fun center for bf's mom can have a day to her self, and the only thing she does is bitch and yell. I spent all day on a sprained ankle taking care of her kids and she juss yells. Yells about pizza, soda, jackets, everything. Why can't we get a day where she appreciates what me and my boyfriend do for her...

im not pregnant

I am not pregnant, I didn't make that mistake, my home is not yours, and it never will be. Why do I have to deal with you bullshit. Why am I taking care of a pregnant 20 year old when I am not even ready to take care of my self. I asked you not to come over. I told you no, so why are you here. Why am I in this mess, I didn't create......