feeling unsafe

Parents are supposed to use discernment and only bring people into their children's lives that will keep them safe, but tonight my bf's mom did the opposite. Well technically she brought this stranger into our lives a couple days ago when she brought a strange man home from home depot. She brought this man to the home where her kids live, she gave him her number, and now he is stalking her. I feel so insecure right now. I feel like mine and the lives of my family (yes i consider my bf's family my own) are in danger. This man is terrifying and won't leave her alone, and I worry what happens tomorrow when he is still here waiting for the kids to walk to school. What happens tomorrow when I leave for school and he is lonely and decides I will have to do. These are the thoughts that run through my head when I think of this man being outside my house tonight. He terrifies me, he givess me the creeps and he won't leave. But he doesn't scare her...

meds and hw

The title is misleading, because its actually lack of meds and hw, I forgot my meds last night, and now I'm in a drooly haze trying to do hw. Anyone who has taken mood stabilizers and forgotten to take them knows how I feel. I have a tummyache my eyes are droopy, my head is spinning and I feel altogether drunk, not good drunk though, bad drunk. I feel like I drank just a little to much and need to pass out, unfortunately I haven't drank anything. On top of it I have to write and observation for my child development class. Why I thought I could do school right now is beyond me, but bi-polar disorder and meds plus school is a little hard. I need a semester off, but doing that means I lose grant money and unless I have a job I can't do that. Sigh, sucks being on meds, but I can't get off of them.....

scattered

Been having a hard time lately. Issues with dad, as usual, mostly just his gf hating me though. I think my body is trying to kill me. My knees can barely hold myself up, I wanted to kill myself the other night, and I'm cutting again. I don't know why, I don't want to tell anyone about it. I just like the feeling of the pain. I like the blood dripping from my body. I don't know how to stop it. I don't know why I like it. But it's addicting. I quit drinking energy drinks, which makes me tired. Energy drinks are bad for the body, especially when you drink them as much as I did, which was like once a day or more. I know this post is a little scattered, but its how I feel right now, scattered. My brain, my body, my life. Its all scattered....