MANIC

So, I take my meds, everyday, same time, same place, but yet I still get pretty manic, like right now, and obvious by my last blog post, i don't think my moods are under control, BUT I love being manic. I get sooo much done, and I have fun, and I love it. I know I need to get my meds adjusted, but if my brain is normal I won't have my manic and I will miss it. So what do i do? Do I stay on my meds the way they are and risk a bad outburst where I end up hurting someone, or do I lose my mania and adjust my meds. It's to obvious what I have to do, but I don't want to. I love running around the house doing everything I can, and getting everything I can done. I love being me. I don't want to change. But I don't want to hurt anyone. I love to be around kids, I feel free and energized and if I had a bad outburst and hurt one of my little, whatever you call the kids you babysit, I would hate myself, their parents would hate me, and I don't think I could live with myself if that happened. My whole life I have known that I was born to be around kids, to be a mom and a teacher. It's what I always wanted was to be around kids. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did anything to jeopardize that.....