Babies

I look at pictures of babies and I think to myself, "you would make a great mother." I want a baby, every person in my family has had a child before the age of 20. I was the second one who made it to 18, but in 6 months I will be the first to make it to 20. But it's not what I want, I want a baby, but I don't think I can. I am not ready to raise a child, and I don't know if I will be ever. I just want a baby so bad, I wish I could just do it. I wish I could lose my conscience and just get off my birth control and have a baby, and lie to my family and say it had to have been the birth control not working. But I couldn't, I can't, I can't do that to my boyfriend and I couldn't do that to my child. I wish there was someway I could just skip through life, fast, so I could be financially and mentally ready for a kid. I don't want to wait. But what if I never have the chance to have a baby. What if I'm not able to have a little baby to raise and love...