lonely

sometimes, I feel so alone.. surrounded by people, but still completely alone. I know that's like something everyone says, in a room full of people, but completely alone, but that's how I feel. I feel like an outsider looking in, looking at what could be my life, but instead it's all screwed up because I am so insecure, I feel like everyone is watching me, expecting me to be perfect, and I can't. I can't live up to everyone's perfect standards of being better then my parents. I can't because I'm not them I can try not to make their mistakes, but that doesn't make me any better then them. I can say I am 19 years old not a drug addict and the first girl on my mom's side of the family to make it to 18 without a kid, but that doesn't make me better then any of them. My sister is 21 is a great loving mom of two beautiful sweet little boys, she has a job and cares for the boys better then anyone her age should have to. Sure she may have not made it to 18 without kids, but she is the sweetest most amazing mother. I don't really know my other sister or my aunt well enough to say I'm better then them. In reality the only person I can say I'm better then is my mom, and the only difference between me and her is I don't have kids and I don't do drugs, but I have no job, I have nothing to look forward to right now.  So how does not doing drugs or having kids make me better then her? How can I live up to the standards people expect me to live up to when I feel like I am alone in this world...