church

I was raised in a christian family and in my lifetime I have been mentally, emotionally and physically beaten by churches. I have never been in a church where the adults don't automaticaly judge me. I believe in God, or at least I want to, but how can I trust and believe in something that's not there for me? I've never felt welcome in a church which really does not help how I feel about churches, and I really just want to know there is something out there bigger then me...