insecure

So I'm verryy insecure, and when I was younger it was even worse then it is now. Even though I'm not extremely insecure I still am pretty insecure. So what brings this all into my head at 3 o'clock in the morning is a boy. But isn't it always a boy. Anyway, there was this guy a while back when I was in highschool, he was the jock, the guy I would never have a chance with, great body, popular and of all things a football player. I hated the guy though, he was such a jerk, but of course he adds me on facebook and flirts with me, and even though I hated him before that moment I being the naive insecure little girl I was believed he's different, he just acts like that with his friends. He really likes me, ect ect ect. Now looking back, there was absolutley no chance me and him would ever go farther then him taking advantage of me. Being the insecure needy girl I was I didn't see that he was using me. That's all it ever was, I wanted a boyfriend, but he said he wasn't interested, so I believed him, and then he found a girl who wasn't me and dropped my ass like a sack of potatoes. I realized it wasn't that he had no interest in a relationship, he just wasn't interested in a relationship with me. Even now that hurts. I hate that it hurts me because other then his looks I never had any interest in him so I couldn't understand why it hurt. Looking back it's not that I liked him, but I liked the idea of someone like him, liking a messed up little girl like me. The thought that maybe I could have a family, tthe white picket fence and all that, but that would have never happened with him. We just weren't compatible. But he didn't want me, and that hurt my ego, because what is it about me. Why aren't I good enough for guys like that? I don't like that I care, because even now he's nothing but a Casanova. He thinks he's God's gift to earth. After his relationship ended he all of a sudden wanted me back, and of course the first time I went running back to him, but then he did it again, and when that happened I was with the guy I am with now, and we weren't serious so I was tempted, because well this jerk is a bit better looking then my man, and although I love my man with all my heart, jerk has just one of those bodies *drool*. But I didn't. I didn't go running into the arms of a guy who I knew would never respect me. Instead I stayed with my man, the man who loves me and respects me and treats me great. But Jerkface didn't want to take no for an answer. So I had to hurt his pretty little ego a bit. He kept bugging me for sex, and I was hanging out with my dad on my birthday and I told him that and he told me to ditch my dad for a quickie, so I agreed. What jerk didn't know was that my dad was waiting there to meet him and tell him that no means no, and I have a boyfriend. My dad loved cracking this guys ego, and I have to say it had to be the best damn birthday present my dad ever gave me. So now I try to work on my insecurity, but of course I still have that scared insecure little girl whispering in my ear telling me I'm not good enough. I try though. I try not to be insecure. I want to strong and secure, but it's so hard...