babies?

I am really struggling with the feeling of wanting to be pregnant. I don't know how I would care for a baby, but I want one. Part of me says fuck go for it, but the rest of me says wait. But I don't want to wait! I am tired of waiting. I want a baby. I want a little mini-me or mini-bf. I want the dirty diapers, the crying, the love. I don't want to be loved, but I want to love. I want to hold the child in my arms and feel the love in my heart. My heart would beat for this young human. But my wallet is empty. I can't afford to take care of myself let alone a baby. I can't put a child through the experience of being poor. I want my child to have what they need, when they need it, not the next time I get paid. But I don't want to wait, I want a child, I want one now. How do I get rid of this feeling when it is me...