future talk

So today my boyfriend said something, that probably will stick in my head for awhile, and it has made me so happy, he told me that he was thinking about ways to propose to me, not now obviously because we're not ready, but when we are ready. But hearing that made me sooo happy. He's not the best at showing me how he feels, and I know he loves me, but I wasn't sure if he saw a future with me, because hell who would wanna spend the rest of their lives with psycho little me. I am mean, and un-trusting sometimes, but obviously there is something here that makes him want to spend the rest of his life with me. ME, hah I can't believe it, not those other girls out there, that are well not bi-polar for one, but they are outgoing and friendly and I'm sure I could keep going on with a million things that are better about them, but I don't have to because he wants me. No this isn't like I need a man to validate myself or whatever the heck people wanna say about it, but when things get real bad I feel like giving up, and one of the biggest reasons I haven't yet is him, not that there weren't times I came close to just giving up, had the pill bottle in my hands, and probably took a little to many, just not enough, because all I could think was I'd be hurting him. And I know I should want to stay alive for myself blah blah blah, and I do, sometimes, but there are moments where I need more then "life will get better just stay in the game" to get me through it, and he has been it the last couple of hard times I went through. It's nice knowing I have a future, one with a husband and hopefully a kid or two, and if we get our way we'll be rich and spoil our kids. I want my kid to have what I never did, not money and fancy stuff, although that is a plus, but two parents who love them and eachother, parents who can show them what true love is, so they know what to look for, I want my kids to have love in their life, to be surrounded by love and to be able to love....