moving again...

It was a hard decision to make, and honestly I hadn't really made up my mind, I just jumped into it because I knew I was going to chicken out. I am moving in with my boyfriend. Not because we are ready, because hell we're not, we're gonna be living with his mom. But because everytime I have a conversation with my mom it turns into I'm not good enough, and since I moved back in I have considered suicide way to often, and moving in with my boyfriend might not help that, but I'm done, I'm tired of feeling depressed, and if this doesn't work then I will have to figure out another way, but I'm going to try, because hell who knows this might be the best thing for me. Never know until you try, but ever since I started to become somewhat of a grown-up, (not using adult for obvious reasons) living with the grandparents has made me feel depressed, I didn't realize it was them until I moved out, and things seemed so much better. I have always been so afraid of disappointing them that I don't have time to worry about what makes me happy, and in all honesty I want to make me happy, I am tired of making everyone else happy. I lived with my boyfriend for a while and we were good we got along, we worked well together, but then my dad and his girlfriend bought a house and I thought that was the key to a normal life, at least for a while. But now I'm am back here in the same old house, doing the same old thing, feeling the same old way, but now I feel like I have disappointed my grandparents, which is always hard for me. How am I supposed to feel happy when happy feels wrong?