wrecking ball

being alone with my thoughts is never a good thing... I just can't help, but to feel like a wrecking ball. Everything I touch I destroy, it's just a matter of time before I destroy my boyfriends relationship with his family. I feel this way just because of what I do when I'm around people. I don't know how I do it, but I ruin peoples lives. My grandparents are always fighting because of me.Then there's the fact that my birth and conception destroyed my dads relationship with his first wife, and kids. Now there's my dad and his gf, they never had big fights until I moved in, then I almost destroyed their relationship, then when I leave they fix everything and go back to how they were before. Then my grandparents and my uncle got in a fight and when I finally move out of their place the relationship mends itself. I want to believe I am not the reason for any of this, but it just feels like my existence on this planet has caused tension in the lives of everyone I've been around. I even caused the relationship of my best friends parents to go to hell. I caused a tear in their perfect relationship by choosing to do stupid things and their son trying to rape me, had I never gone anywhere near him that night then they wouldn't be fighting over the fact that she thinks I'm lying and he doesn't. I destroy everything I touch, and I don't know how to stop it. I try being quiet and not telling people how I feel, I try being shy and little and yet I still end up destroying everything. How can I trust anyone when I can't even trust myself...