baby, baby, baby

Everyone I know has been having babies. There are 4 new babies and number 5 is on his way. I know I am not ready for a child, as I've said in other posts, but I want a baby. I want a little monster to care for and hold in my arms. I can't stand how many of my friends who don't want babies are having them. I'm not saying they don't love their babies now, but when they found out they were pregnant they said, I don't want a baby. How is it fair that they have babies and I can't have one yet. I mean sure I could be irresponsible and get off my birth control and get pregnant, but I don't want to do that to my baby. I want to have a good life for my child and I can't do that if I'm 19 unmarried and holding only a part time job. I have to be ready before I have my child. I have to have stability and living in my bf's house, being kicked out every other week is not stability. It's hard for me to handle everything going on in my life as it is, add a baby to the mix and my life would be pure hell. I just want a baby so badly. Bleh, if only I could just wave a magic wand and make everything better....